It is Month 7 and I am Tired

It’s month 7 and I’m tired.

Starting out on the World Race almost felt like a dream come true. Everything was so new and foreign to me, and all my other squad mates. For me, I didn’t think I would have felt tired, because it’s a new country every month, and we get “rest” along the way. 

But spiritually, I’m tired. 

And that has played a toll on my physical , mental , and emotional health. 

It’s hard to admit that I’m tired, because I don’t want to take a rest. We have a debrief almost every month, and throughout the month we have rest days. Ministry this month in particular doesn’t last all day, if anything for the morning or the afternoon. 

Unfortunately, I’m also comparing last month to this month. India was so amazing. I stepped out in faith and spoke in front of people. I actually WANTED and FELT like I had a voice and that the Lord wanted to use for that month. Which he did, and it was beautiful. But this month, I’m expecting the same thing to happen. I’m expecting for the boldness to show up at any moment. 

But it hasn’t come. 

Not that I don’t think it will come, but it’s hard to do ministry when I feel like I can’t contribute anything. 

I feel like I lost my fire from last month. Which makes me feel like I’m letting my team and even God down. 

Going into this month I was excited for Nepal. Don’t get me wrong, I really was. 

But the enemy hit my team hard. And I can see how hard it has taken a toll on us trying to fight back. Praying constantly for no spiritual attacks has been draining. And it has felt very tiring for me. 

As much as I don’t like to admit this, I have cried almost every night since we have arrived at our ministry home. I feel like we are praying against the enemy, but he continues to attack our health, emotions, and is trying to take our Joy from us. And I don’t want him to win. So I pray everyday. But at the end of the day, I’m just so tired that I cry. 

I’m exhausted from this war we are fighting.

And it hasn’t gotten better. 

But one chapter of the bible has been sticking out to me as I read through the book of Psalm. 

Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

I have overlooked this chapter so many times. But the other day it stood out to me in a new way. 

The Lord is going to give us rest, we just need to choose to rest in him. Rest in knowing that we don’t need to fight and win this battle with the enemy, because Jesus already won. When we rest in him, he restores our souls. And even though we are going through a rough time or walking through the darkest valleys, and the enemy is trying to take us down, the Lord is with us. He’s not going to let the enemy win, because God already HAS won. 

I can’t express to you how much knowing that means to me. Yes I knew He already has won, but just that reminder has changed my perspective on this battle with the enemy. The Lord is continually feeding us and preparing a table for us in this battle, so that we don’t get tired. He is overflowing our cups so that we don’t have to do it ourselves. We aren’t going to run dry. He’s constantly overflowing in us. We just have to choose to rest in Him and allow him to fight this battle along side us. 

The enemy hates that Jesus wins all the time. The enemy is angry that I had such a good and beautiful month, sharing about Jesus in India. So he’s trying to attack me in every which way he can. The enemy is such a punk. But I’m not going to let him win. 

Something else that has helped me through this time, is the Armour of God.

Ephesians 6:10-20 talks about this armour that the Lord gives us to fight against the darkness and the powers of evil. Like in verses 11 and 12 it says, “put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the rules of evil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

The armour of God consists of Belt of Truth, the Breastplate if Righteousness, Shoes that fit your feet with the Readiness that comes from the Gospel of Peace, the Shield of Faith, the Helmet of Salvation, the Sword of the Spirit (which is the word of God), and Prayer. 

All these things are given to us, to use for this battle with the enemy. We just have to choose to use them like the Lord wants us to. 

The cool thing about this passage, is that the Lord knew that we would have battles against the enemy in our life. The fight is continuous, maybe stronger in some areas and seasons of our lives, but we always need to be prepared. The Lord is so good that he gives us all the things we need to fight and get past the enemy. And we should fight and defend ourselves KNOWING that God has already won. 

So with this, I hope this encourages you all to stand by the Lord in the midst of your trials and troubles. And know that the Lord is so so good. 

Thanks for reading! 

– Laiken